I Won't

"Don't let go. Don't ever let go".

Did he know, I wonder? Was it calculated, planned, set into motion too far beneath the waters to draw my notice as days turned to hands? I am torn, unsure if that would make it that much more amazing or somehow tarnish the epiphany of comprehension that I felt as I pressed back against his body and those words were whispered in my ear.

In every sensible slant of light brought by reasonable dawn I should be beyond pissed. Kings knows that I was more than ready to lash out, to strike out and make it clear beyond measure that there were some lines I simply do not cross. Bring on the bladed whip, I...will...not....go...there.

Or would I?

Damn the man. Why is it that I am even wondering when I have always known and been perfectly fine knowing. No. Just no. I guess I just expected that if the day came it would be a command from a distance, a show to be watched, a proverbial pit into which I would fall and I was certain that I would draw blood before acquiescing.

Only, that wasn't the way.

There was no cold distance or sharp command. There was a warm body and hot words and snaking breath and quickening pulse and it was oh so very easy to obey. Frighteningly so. The ahn was late and his grip did not relent even as he drew me away from the bladed edge that still makes my insides squirm in some strange mixture of fear and ...something else.

I sat for a time today in the early morning quiet of the den. The wooden pole was tall and dark and though I did not go to it, please it, wrap my limbs around it..I did consider it. I almost wanted to, a tenuous draw it might be gaining on me. Then again maybe that has nothing to do with a pole and everything to do with his words. I hope he realizes what he asked with those words....don't let go...

because I won't.